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Old 04-08-2013, 12:12 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,471

Originally Posted by nancyfore View Post
It's my understanding that being poly isnt "this is my love and you just suffer with it"... It's sitting down and talking about a speed in which everyone feels comfortable, and the loving partners supporting the one that is having some problems.
There are certainly some who function under this type of approach to dealing with partners. This is often true when talking about previously monogamous couples moving into a more polyamorous arrangement, as well as with anyone who views "sacrificing for love" as a virtue.

For me and some others, this kind of approach is not relevant. The speed at which I become involved with someone, alter my worldview, get new hobbies, get a new job, change my sexual orientation, is not anyone's concern but my own. Of course we want to mitigate hurt feelings, discomfort, or inconvenience as much as possible - but not at the sake of letting someone elses feelings dictate how we live our lives.

Of course, any relationship is going to include supporting a partner who is having problems (at least to the degree appropriate) but I make a very clear distinction between "supporting" and "capitulating".
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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