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Old 04-07-2013, 02:28 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
It's the one subject that I believe should be an "everybody on the same page" decision, that everyone must agree and anyone involved has the right to veto the decision of being out for any reason whatsoever.
This favors absolutely the person who doesn't want to be "out". While I have no interest in deciding for someone how much the world should know about them (I don't care, really), I thought it should be recognized that this approach does not respect the feelings of the person who *does* want to be out in the least.

If someone needs to live in secret then they need to keep *their* laundry private, not mine. Meaning, if I am open but don't want anyone to know then it is our relationship that needs to be a secret, not any of your other relationships.

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
Yes, I know it sucks, but the world and societies of human beings are a very ugly, violent, blind with denial in regards to what is considered acceptable.
No way to get around this reality. We should remember, though that we have a choice as to how we want to confront this eventuality. We can cower from it, living in the attic in secret, or we can be who we are and let the world figure out for itself how it wants to deal with *us*. It's the same question homosexuals must struggle with as individuals. They can risk coming out, or risk living a lie.

Just so long as people remember that the path they choose is up to them and take a little personal responsibility for what they chose.

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
So I strongly believe that the view of any involved party on being out, should always be respected. But that is just me and won't work for everyone.
I agree that a persons right to privacy should not be infringed upon. I take it that's how you meant "respect" in this context. Outing someone for their own personal proclivities would be in poor taste to the extreme.

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
Only you and those involved with you will know for sure what style of compromise best suits your relationships, but in general, it seems like the people have much better success with being hyper-respectful, and then humble when asking for any ground on anything that is important to you in regards to boundaries of your relationships. Many people will disagree with that statement,.
For relationships in which boundaries are asked for, I suppose the first part of this statement would work. I find the idea of asking someone to not "out" me as whatever to be counter intuitive. If I have every reason to believe that my life or livelyhood will be harmed if I am out then I'm not *asking* anything... I'm saying I won't be out and you can agree with that or split.

Now, I'm not meaning that I shouldn't show regard or consideration for others opinions (which I take it is the definition of respect you are using here). And I'm certainly not implying that I shouldn't be courteous and kind. We should always seek to find common ground with loved ones, though I am highly skeptical of the idea of compromise when it comes to my personal life. Compromise is what happens in a business or legal engagement, rarely should it happen among loved ones.

Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
however I have found that showing hyper-respect often works like an eraser and sometimes magically erases all problems
Is respect really the word you are intending to use here? It sounds like you are talking about courtesy and politeness. Sorry to get into a semantic discussion here but respect is one of those words that has quite a few uses and definitions. Courtesy is very precise, and it sounds more like what you are using it for.

Can you explain what you mean?
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent

Last edited by Marcus; 04-07-2013 at 02:35 PM.
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