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Old 04-07-2013, 03:11 AM
CalShep CalShep is offline
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 9

Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
I noticed that you didn't answer if she was part of the discussion that DH has to tell you the details about their sex life. If not then DH saying he doesn't feel comfortable about that might (and probably is) because he talked to her about that and SHE isn't comfortable with her sex life being discussed with you.

Why does your want of hearing about it override her need of having that privacy?
I did answer. I said that DH asked GF if it was OK and that she said she didn't mind. He and I had discussed and set up that guideline way before he ever met her, as well as many others. So when it came to her, he simply let her know all of our expectations and ideals and hopes, and she told him which ones she was OK with and which ones she wasn't. She's said she realized I'm a big part of his life and is extremely understanding. Like I said, I genuinely like her- I've realized this is generally a me problem at this point.

I think you like being in control, but you call it insecurity and anxiety. It actually seems that any situation where someone else has a say about what's going on throws you off and you don't like it. You sound on the verge of a tantrum. This can't be good for you. You are stressing needlessly. I think you would benefit from not being in control. Let life be a little unpredictable and uncertain. Let go of the reins, let your husband manage his relationship and you manage yours (meaning yours with him, NOT his with her), try not to get so bent out of shape when things don't go your way, and stop being so nosy. Be a voyeur with someone else's sex life. Believe me, I say this in all seriousness and to be helpful - I think it would be good for you.
I call it anxiety because of my history of panic attacks and the medication I'm on and the psychiatrist who diagnosed me. I call them insecurities because they've been with me my whole life. If I like to feel like I'm in control, it's because of an irrational fear of being hurt, rejected, and abandoned. If I'm on the verge of anything it's another panic attack. It sucks, I hate it that I have such difficulty managing my emotions, and I hate that DH has to deal with it.

I also realize I ramble and tend to not communicate super well in this particular media. I spill out a bunch of words and then don't often slow down to proofread. Sorry.
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