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Old 04-07-2013, 02:57 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Olympia, Washington
Posts: 5,013
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Hi Jill,

Welcome to you and to Choctaw as well. I hope this site provides some helpful info for you. FullofLove1052 has already given you some excellent thoughts and advice.

As for finding people for poly dating, there are various ways to approach that. There are poly-friendly dating sites:

http://www.pof.com/
http://www.okcupid.com/
http://www.polymatchmaker.com/

Also, if there are local poly groups in your area, you can get to know people as friends, and who knows if something romantic could come of it. A few sites you could try along those lines:

http://polyamory.meetup.com/
http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups

You can google "Chicago polyamory" and "Illinois polyamory" and see what comes up. And we have a Dating & Friendships subforum: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=11

A few other foods for thought:

Quote:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, http://polyamoryonline.org/smf/index...57394#msg57394
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

All that said, there is no need to be in a hurry. Take your time, be yourselves, try not to look too hard, and wait patiently for the right person/s to come into your life. While you're waiting, learn as much about polyamory as you can. This site is an obvious and good place to start. Try our Golden Nuggets board, for starters. Just look around and see what threads call to you. Post any thoughts or questions that may come to your mind.

I think you're right about the situation with Lia and Bob: No one meant to hurt anyone, but you all had the disadvantage of lack of experience, and Lia had troubles expressing herself and realizing what she wanted. If any lesson can be taken from that, it's that communication (both quality and quantity) is super important in polyamory (and it's good for monogamy, too).

Enjoy your time here; I'm glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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