Oh yes! Very much in agreement!
Its a HUGE series of spiral staircases to get from an affair to a healthy relationship-much less poly.
And I certainly advise against lying or cheating EVER. Regardless of reason, it creates a paradigm that is completely counter productive to bonding and relationship.
I honestly don't know anyone but us whose sifted through the ashes and found resolution.
Everyone I have ever met who had an affair-the relationship ended. Usually because the cheater expected to SAY they were sorry and be done with it. But deterioration of trust doesn't clean up that easily. Its not like you can run a swiffer through and poof-the dust is gone.
Its more like you set off tnt in a bldg that had the walls insulated with alergen filled glitter. Cleaning it up means years of dealing with the "allergic reactions" to the glitter and searching out every single piece-in addition to cleaning up the blown up bldg pieces and fallout and burn/scorch damage and any other bldgs damaged in the rain of material after the explosion and and and and.
Its a lifelong responsibility to deal with the consequences and they can be unbelievably far reaching.
"Love As Thou Wilt"