I'm in a poly marraige....that I wasn't expecting. Married nine years. Not perfect, but pretty damn great. My wife has connected with two different men over the last eight months, and has had physical experience with one of them. She would love to have an experience with the other, but his wife is against it.
This has been a difficult journey for me. I love her to distraction. She loves me to the same degree as well. We have a great sexual relationship, and I'm not threatened by her having sex with the other man. However, she has "fallen a little in love" with him. I understand NRE. She's doing a wonderful job of being honest, and letting me know that while she's really excited about him, she still sees me as her husband, and her best friend, as well as the man who helped raise her children. (step father....but I've been a huge factor in the kids' lives)
I'm feeling as if our relationship is slipping. She and I both wonder if my having an experience would help, but I'm a school teacher in a small town, and she and I both work in the same system. She has connected with these guys because she is from the town, and they are fellow alumni of the school where we teach. My home is farily far away. I don't have the opportunity to meet up with former friends, or really meet new ones. The women I work with are all friends with my wife and I highly doubt any of them would be open to the idea.....even if I were.
So.....for those of you who have been in an unbalanced poly relationship, should I plunge in? I have one hell of a sex drive. I have no doubt I would enjoy the physical......but would it grant me the persepctive I'm seeking?
I've expressed to her that what she is doing is hurting me. I admit I'm insecure, and I'm working on it.....but it still hurts. She replies that even if she stopped seeing the guy, she would still be in love with him so what would it change?
Its a pretty damn valid point, IMO. Anyway, I appreciate any perspective I recieve.