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Old 04-05-2013, 10:20 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
Additionally, I have discussed with both my partners and have agreed between the three of us that it's ok to get support from another partner if there is conflict, but that it's not okay to bad mouth one lover to another. Those are the lines we've drawn, because even though each relationship is private, I would seek advice from or vent to my close friends, and my partners are my best friends of all.
If I found that my partner was talking trash about me to anyone, at any time, I'm pretty sure there is a fundamental problem located. I would be much more interested in why they even had the urge to talk mean about me than I would be in just making a rule that they aren't allowed to do it. They shouldn't *want* to talk bad about me, and if they do they demonstrate that they don't respect me and likely shouldn't be with me.

Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
With Moonlight, it's more that we sometimes irritate each other or get on the other one's nerves.
Eh, people get grumpy and irritable; I know I do. Those are not necessarily signs that there is a systemic problem. They might just demonstrate that someone is having a crummy week or isn't eating right.

Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
So, I guess what I'm saying is that I understand how sex and physical intimacy can play a role in self-care during times of strife, but that taking your partner's well-being into consideration is paramount if you're actually seeking to mend the relationship or resolve the argument.
I do not have any say in how my romantic partner (or anyone) manages their intimacy or emotions. This doesn't change just because I am in a bad mood. If I'm focusing on things like "is she shagging him right now?" or considering proposing rules about how they manage their relationships if I'm in a grumpy mood, I have very obviously lost sight of what is important.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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