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Old 04-05-2013, 10:10 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,118
Default Dan is the Man

I suggest your husband check out Dan Savage's more recent blogging, Savage Love columns, etc. on this very subject. (Not the stuff when he first started his column - he said some dumb things about bisexuality at first. He's evolved on the issue too.)

He suggests - and I agree - that there are bisexual people who can fall in love with both (or more) genders; there are bisexual people who like sex with, let's say a man with other men, but don't fall in love with male sex partners. There are bisexual people who love playing with sex organs. Let's say a man who loves to give head to another man but really isn't interested in anything more than that. (And I am using a male example because of your husband's situation but I believe this is true of both genders and probably trans folks too.) And there are more variations too - like women who love to cuddle and fondle women but can't imagine being in a relationship with another woman. Or people who are romantic towards one gender but not also sexual towards that gender.

The variations and subtle differences are probably close to infinite.

As long as one is upfront and honest and respectful, it is all good as far as I am concerned. As long as your husband tells potential male sex partners, 'hey, I am only interested in sexual experimentation. I'm not looking for a boyfriend, I'm not gay, I'm not going to leave the wife, I just want to play with your dick and have you play around with mine. Fuck and be fucked. Is that ok?' Do treat the other man respectfully, as a human being - a fuckbuddy is still a buddy, an actual or potential friend.

(As an aside, I personally can't get have sex without kissing. But lots of people work differently than me.)

You may run into bisexual prejudice from straight and gay people. Some gay people (not all but some) think anyone bisexual is 'really' gay and just hasn't figured it out yet. Sometimes that is true - people coming out do sometimes identify as bisexual as a way station identity until they get more comfortable in themselves. But often, bisexual is really where a person lands on the Kinsey scale. Some straight people also want bisexual to just 'pick one already!'. All you and your husband can do is learn about yourselves and each other, be introspective, explorative and be who you are.

And kudos to you for accepting your husband's sexual exploration.

Last edited by opalescent; 04-05-2013 at 10:12 PM. Reason: spacing
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