Originally Posted by Fiona
I just keep wondering if I was overreacting to the whole HSV thing, but the fact that he broke boundaries and violated my consent is a huge red flag. As is the fact that while things were going badly with us, he pushed me aside to concentrate on someone new and was not conscious of health and safety issues. I just can't forget him saying that I MADE him choose between me and the other person. I don't think that I did. I feel like he has jettisoned a long-term relationship for something new. This is so devastating.
It's not a red flag that you and he had different risk tolerances for HSV exposure. People do vary greatly in what risks they will take, what risks they absolutely not take and the area in-between.
However, he didn't come talk to you about the differences and fucked around instead without checking in with you about this person, situation, etc. That's the waving red flag along with all the other stuff noted above.
You didn't make him 'choose' between you and the other person. You let him know your boundaries and he chose not to respect them. That's the choice he made, not between her and you. He choose to be a lesser person than he could have been. That's the underlying choice made.
And manipulative people will often pull this bullshit so they feel better about themselves - they 'had to' because of so and so, and now it's not really their issue. Thus there is nothing wrong with him because, you 'made' him do it. This lets him get away with refusing to examine his own behavior. Don't take that on. It is not true and real from what you described here.