Thread: Wide Awake
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Old 04-05-2013, 06:20 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Here is the problem with that so-called acceptance. It came at one major cost. Matt resented me for what I believed in after my relationship took precedence over my marriage.
There's a good video floating around about Tolerance vs Acceptance. I would argue that your husband tolerated polyamory but never truly accepted it. That makes a huge difference in how he felt about everything else that goes with it.

Si was a co-parent without the responsibility. I agree that she should not have been given that title or even assumed that role. There was no balance. We were and still are parents 24 hours a day. We do not get to say, "Today feels like a nice day to be a parent." It is part of us until the end of time. Si chose when to be one. Family discussions regarding the children? She was there. Ballet recitals, doctor's appointments, scary dreams, and anything else? It was always if her social calendar allowed it. I never saw it until it was pointed out. We never limited her access or controlled how often she could see them either.
Yep, that was a recipe for disaster. Granted, there are a lot of "breeders" out there who also tend to their kids only when they feel like it.

That's exactly why, when I fell in love with a man who had a child, I pointed out: "I am not going to be any kind of parent to your kid. I don't want kids. I accept that you have a kid and I accept the consequences of dating someone with a kid, but just so you know... when she's sick or needs to be picked up from school, imagine like you're still single." Not that that stopped me from voicing my opinions about how to raise her. I do the same thing with my friends who have kids. They're just my opinions, I'm not telling them what to do like I really have any say in the matter. But I've observed enough parents to have a good idea of what works and what doesn't, and I know helicoptering when I see it.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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