Affairs do not equal poly. I had to say that. All the sneaking around and lying. I call total crap. Let's say your partner met someone before the first discussion of poly had ever even happened. Let's say they developed feelings and retreating from you and your marriage because of this person. Ding ding ding. All along this has been an emotional affair. Why the hell should they be allowed to keep the relationship going and have the audacity to ask someone to open? I do not know about anyone else but rewarding inappropriate behaviour and conduct does not fly in my book. You do not get to keep her/him and shade the hell out of what we have or even expect me to be alright with it or go play. First things first, control your feelings, work on whatever is going on at home, and avoid seeking comfort in the arms of another so-called friend. That same friend might have ulterior motives like the character in Jodi Picoult's novel, "The Other Woman." She told the woman she was going to steal her husband. Your spouse has the right to question every word that has ever comes out of your mouth from that point on. You may not have been sleeping with the person, but alienating someone emotionally is more damning than empty sex. Is that secretive confidant worth losing what you have? Also, stop getting mad because your spouse is not gung-ho about opening the relationship. Back off and give them time to figure if they want to stay with your too late to apologise ass is caught up in dirty NRE. You fell in like, lust, or love and he or she just has to accept your newfound polydom. Ugh. Behave. After the spouse has struggled to come to terms with an unfortunate situation, they seek support. I can feel the pain and hurt when reading these words. How can someone force you to just accept the hand and not have any negative feelings? One yesterday was that the husband was being hostile towards his wife because they needed to close relationship to give their marriage a fighting chance. He had met someone and developed feelings. The wife wanted her out the picture during this process. Woman's intuition will rarely steer you wrong. She thinks there is more going on than the husband is letting on. I gave advice but my real advice would be to let the husband know this hostility and pulling back from the marriage is not acceptable.
I am seeing more and more of this. Spouses of those people...stop swallowing your pride and rolling over. You are stronger than you think. He or she needs to learn that they cannot have what they want all the time. Life is not fair. Encouraging them after they have deceived you is wild. Why would you accept that kind of treatment?
Some affairs do manage to turn into poly relationships, but it usually ends badly. That same husband or wife ends up being on the outside looking in and fighting for their marriage alone. Sometimes the other person just chooses to abandon the marriage as a whole. Grass is greener type of deal. Then if it falls apart, they sometimes try to come back like you have just been waiting for them to crawl back. These actions are ridiculous. I know that I am nobody's spare or back-up plan.
Last edited by FullofLove1052; 04-05-2013 at 07:08 PM.