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Old 04-05-2013, 04:54 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,148
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Not exactly following all of the amusing Wile E. Coyote tangents, but...my experiences:

MrS and I usually see eye to eye...when we don't it ends up in a huge blow-out. This occurs once every two or three years. The second to last was the the worst (and was a direct result of my /jackassery/ with respect to Dude - you can read about it on my "Journey" blog here). When the last one (the first one since Dude came into the picture officially as a member of the household) happened, I literally could not relate to/interact with Dude in the slightest (I handled it quite badly - telling Dude to "get out"/"go home" - luckily he negotiated to stay, and actually sped up the resolution). This is not unusual for me - if MrS and I are not fundamentally "right" then my world is so askew that I can't really talk to/relate to anyone until it is resolved (I get through my day with the minimum of interaction with another living soul and then rush home to fret).

I "fight" with Dude on a much more regular basis (we are still learning how to do this). MrS is phenomenally awesome at being an "objective observer" - comforting without "taking sides", pointing out (gently) when I am being a complete ass-hat and pushing Dude's buttons, etc. (Often I am so touched by his concern about my damaging my relationship with Dude that the original argument is put into clear perspective.)

We all live together so out-and-out fights are highly visible - the "non-involved" person can hardly be unaware of the situation. If it is a "relating to one another issue" - i.e. personal - then MrS is very, very good at just letting Dude and I figure shit out (there has been one exceptional exception - when he thought that Dude had gone "too far" and was being disrespectful of me as a person...but that is a different story). Dude is not quite as good at this (possibly because it arises less often - he has an opinion on everything), so occasionally MrS and I have to tell him that this disagreement doesn't actually concern him and he can keep his opinions to himself). If MrS and Dude have an issue (rare, but it does happen - they are friends and metamours so their issues are not of the "lover" variety) - I tend to fret and worry and build myself into a high anxiety state... and pretend as though everything is fine...until they work it out.

For me, personally, if all is not well on my "relationship fronts" then sex is COMPLETELY out of the picture - I couldn't have sex with one if I wasn't "all good" with the other.

BUT we are all individuals...my responses are MY responses...YMMV.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 04-05-2013 at 04:58 AM. Reason: commas...gotta love 'em
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