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Old 04-05-2013, 12:46 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

From the User Guidelines:
Each of the discussion boards on the site is intended for threads of a specific nature, so users are expected to post threads on the appropriate board.
Note: The threads on the Blog board receive special treatment. Each thread is the personal blog of the user who started it. The blogs are *not* threads where open debate and criticism is expected. Think of the blogs as protected space, wherein the blog author can disallow any discussion posts that he or she doesn't like from others. Respect the blogs as protected space.
While this site is, overall,, not every board is just for poly. The Fireplace, specifically, is for non-poly topics. So the precedent exists that not every post in every thread must be about poly. And the Blogs, while generally written by people practicing a poly relationship (whether poly or mono themselves), is stated to be for the Users of this forum. It does not say they MUST be poly-only blogs.

So when AT said:
The thing to keep in mind is that we are here to discuss polyamory.
I feel he is only partially correct. I would agree for General Poly Discussion, Poly Relationships Corner, Spirituality and Polyamory, Press and Media Coverage, and Articles, but I would disagree for Introductions and Life Stories and Blogs. Those, as I understand it from reading the User Guidelines, are for people who have been exposed to poly at some point, whether they are currently practicing it, trying to learn more about the idea, or experienced it in the past. That will often include discussion of poly, but not always. People who practice poly have more to their lives than their relationships.

In this case I feel as though AT overstepped his mod powers by telling a user what the parameters of their blog needed to be. I also feel BG did not respect the "protected space" rule regarding blogs.

I find it interesting that the snark delivered by DH was commented on by a mod, but the condescending comments by BG on a User's blog (along the lines of "Are you even reading what was written? Do you make stuff up in other areas of your life too?") were not (at least not publicly in that thread- I have no idea if anything was said in PM or via the Infractions system).

I also find it interesting that valid points brought up to a mod in the original thread (such as other users who are not currently in a poly relationship, and the fact that the change in this instance was very recent) were not addressed publicly. Perhaps they were in PM, but if one User has asked, you can bet there are others who want to know the answer. And what can be seen by all Users is the face this site presents to the rest of the internet.

While I understand that an already difficult job would be even more difficult if every mod decision were brought up for public review (there just isn't enough time in the day!) I have never before been a member of a public forum where one was not allowed, in the very User Guidelines, to not publicly have a negative opinion of or question a mod statement. There is a message board I have been a member of for over 10 years, and none of the 4 mods there have ever felt the need to hide or be secretive regarding their decisions. Shit-stirring against the mods is not tolerated, of course, but if a legitimate complaint can not be made publicly, how on earth can there be accountability regarding the mods' desire and ability to do their jobs?

LR is potentially risking being banned by posting this. Probably, so am I. But I'm very glad she did. I've previously had issues with a policy that does not allow for public discussions of issues regarding the site or those in charge of it, and I had not yet read the Blog thread this post references, so I thank her for bringing this to a wider audience on this forum.

I hope some good comes of it, and no one is banned for attempting to address things in a mature, adult way.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack