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Old 04-04-2013, 10:17 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 912

I...brought the idea [of poly] to the table....
Originally Posted by afar View Post
...after talking about poly for several months my husband found a woman that he was really into.... ...he 'experemented' with her....
...I noticed his emotional withdrawal from our marriage and began to violently oppose this woman's presence in his life. ...I want this woman out of my life.... What can I do?
I've re-arranged the order to put it chronologically.


Having been in your shoes, as the wife who saw her husband giving attention to another woman (although we were not poly, he was simply cheating), I feel for you. I know very well how it feels.

As a 'secondary,' I also see clearly how it would feel to be told you were a fun 'experiment,' but we're through with you now.

You brought the idea to the table. You and he agreed to involving a third person, who now has feelings for him, no doubt, and she is being treated as disposable. A toy that you no longer like, so she needs to be returned to the store. Presumably without having any thoughts or feelings of her own about it.

Yeah, it's a mess all right. You can consider her feelings and try to adjust and grow to accommodate the person that you and your husband brought into this, whose feelings you involved. Or you can stand firm and tell him she needs to go. It may save the marriage. Or he may stay but resent you and end up divorcing. Or he may divorce right now.

Those look to me like the choices.
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