I knew 2 was my personal limit, so I never sought anyone else. I knew I could not balance individual relationships, quads, and all that. In my world, there was just not enough time. My ex always had the option if she so desired. She elected not to. I was fine with that. I would have been fine either way, but I respected her wants.
I always wanted children, and I knew another person could not fill that spot in my heart. I wanted to feel life growing inside of me and get excited about the first kicks. I am more than elated that we waited until it felt right. I felt prepared even though it is always said that no matter how prepared you think you are, you will never be 100% ready.
Family planning was assumed to have been a three-way equal kind of deal, but Matt was never really all that on board with that notion. In our baby joy, we never stopped to carve out roles that additional parties would play in the upbringing of our children or in familial relations.
Prior to getting pregnant, I made her aware of my feelings and readiness to be a mother. Si was supportive. Looking back it reminded me of a question my mother asked me after Matt and I became engaged. She asked me if I would still marry him without her blessing, and it was a yes. The same applies. If she had not been accepting and supportive of my desire to bring a child into the world, I would have still done it.
They talked about having children. Her ovaries started twitching at the beginning of their relationship. I was not really okay with that idea. I made it known. I have always struggled with my morals and poly beliefs. Children fit into that because I believe that some things should stay within a marriage or between a couple. They decided against having children and that was that.
In our poly family, my ex was too involved or too close for Matt's taste. She had a say in all things pertaining to our children. From the root of assumption and the desire for equality my ex became a co-parent with veto power. All bad. Matt faded into black. he started feeling like he had no say regarding our children. This lead to problems.
I guess I should cover the family angle, too.