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Old 04-04-2013, 07:38 PM
kkxvlv kkxvlv is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 87

Setting out to cover a few points when I started seems to be preventing me from writing other things when I'd like. Getting the first 2 off my chest has contributed to me feeling so great lately that it's hard to be detailed about the concerns I was having at that time. They are long term things though so I will have to come back to my original 5 points later.

Jasper will be here tonight. I always get pretty stressed right before we visit. We are usually working extra in order to take a couple extra days off, and then there is some extra cleaning or preparing for whatever activities we've planned. The extra stuff to do also means we talk less leading up to the arrival and there is always this sort of odd detachment that makes meeting in person all the sudden a little awkward. That feeling has lessened over the years but still hasn't gone away entirely. I guess it would be nice if it were a grand romantic running into each others arms moment but I can't seem to do that. Even when I come home and am very excited to see Herman I prefer a running pick up where I throw my stuff in the car and we head home and get to talk for awhile before all the hugs and stuff.

I'm feeling a lot of pressure from only having 1 weekend a month. I think trying for one visit (of however many days) per month with Jasper will end up being an overall increase in days together for us and yet there is still so much pressure to get the most out of it that we can. Herman's work schedule also makes it so we only get one full weekend a month together as well. Despite the fact that I see him every day I still feel a lot of pressure to make the most out of that weekend. It never matters what we did, we're always happy just being together. I know this in my heart but my mind can't quit freaking out over the limited opportunities. It also doesn't help that I feel like the majority of planning responsibilities falls on me. I'm sure I created that situation but it still contributes to the stress. Perhaps I am not fully recognizing the added demands and effects of my third love affair with the wilderness. I've got the NRE bad with that one. Luckily Herman and Jasper are also quite smitten.
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