(Sorry, I have tendency to make long posts!)
Originally Posted by kdt26417
Why doesn't your DH like this man? I have to ask.
If I understand right, you can continue fertility treatment even if you form a poly circle, you just have to have the new person tested for STI's and have him officially recognized on the paperwork.
Correct me on my info so far, and indulge me on my questions. I may then be able to give some helpful input.
So...this man (P) is a co-worker of mine. DH and I used to work together as well, so we all worked together at one point. P has always had a crush on me, since I started working in his department in 2008. He would often flirt with me at work and via text. It never bothered me, it was more just in fun (like teasing) and I never really took it seriously. DH hated it though.
Now that DH doesn't work here anymore, P has been a little more mature. Before we would avoid each other and only chat casually as it bothered my DH. But now we chat more at work. The flirting stopped and we now have some really intellectual conversations. But P now only works nights so I rarely see him at work, and never socially. Most of our conversations are over the phone or text.
I suspect the reason that DH doesn't like him is just basic jealousy. He hasn't done anything (other than the flirting with me) to make DH not like him. There was this one incident though where we accidentally bumped into each other walking into a door way. He accidentally touched a boob in the process. It was funny and we joked about it, but once DH found a text about him joking about it, he freaked out (not understanding the context). Ever since then, we don't mention the name P in our house at all.
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
I am so sorry about your fertility woes. That is heartbreaking. Only you know how strong your marriage is. How do you think your husband would react to this man and his offer to father a child? What is it about this man that he does not like? Is it something that would cloud his judgment and make him say no without a second thought?
If I were you, I would thank him for the offer and talk to your DH. Considering he has been there for all through ups and downs, he may not be alright with this guy's offer. On the other hand he might because a baby is the one thing you want but cannot seem to have. Then again, it might make him feel inadequate. Only way to find outfit to talk to him or get a feel for it by presenting a hypothetical scenario. Have you and your husband considered a surrogate to give your body a break? I know it is not the same as carrying a child, but fertility treatments are already emotionally taxing and hard. Your marriage seems strained, and I am sure the stress is not helping your treatments.
There is also nothing wrong with seeking more opinions. Someone may have the answer as to why it has failed. Sending hugs your way.
Thanks. Surrogates are very hard to come by here. In the US you can pay people to be one, but not here so it's very rare to find one. We can't even afford IVF now for ourselves, and it would be the same in costs for egg retrieval, etc.
I do agree that DH would probably NOT like it if I took the offer from P to try and father a baby with him either. I really think that the fertility problems clouds a lot of my judgement lately - probably out of desperation. I'm getting very antsy and depressed over it all and I'm constantly trying to think of other "solutions". I know finding another man isn't a solution, but in a romantic sense I've always wanted to have an "unexpected" or "pregnant on the first try" pregnancy, so the idea of being with another man, recklessly for that purpose does have a little appeal to me. Then again, P is older (late 40's) so pregnancy chances would be slim anyway with my own problems.
I guess...after 6 years at this (6 years exactly on April 29 when we first ditched any birth control) I'm probably starting to give up on the baby thing. So many things in my life I've put on hold because of the "just in case I get pregnant" thing. Tattoos, vacations, exercise (I'm paranoid about exercising too much because it can cause anovulation, and the "what if I'm pregnant and it's too early to know and I'm too physically active and it doesn't implant" paranoia). Maybe it's an early mid-life crisis? Which is known to happen with infertility... I'm getting a new tattoo this weekend which to me is huge.
I suspect the reason I'm allowing myself to go down the poly road is also because of this realization that l can no longer live the life I wanted. If I can't have kids, then I'm going to have to find other ways to make me happy.