View Single Post
Old 04-04-2013, 12:10 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,894

Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Because I fell in love

Not ensured that this solves the confusion (far from it mostly), but that usually is my answer.
Originally Posted by animo View Post
An early response in this thread, and I agree 100%. None of us could stand the idea that there's someone else out there we really love and can't be with. We're together because we want to be with everyone we love...and we want the same FOR the ones we love.
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
But that doesn't necessarily answer the question "why poly?" Some people are poly and still can't date everyone they love, because there are only so many hours in the day and they don't want to do injustice to any of their relationships by half-assing it.

I have an acquaintance who pretty much dates everyone who catches her eye. She does live with one of her partners, but I can't imagine she's keeping the home fires burning too brightly when she's out so much.
"Because I fell in love." could answer the "Why poly?" question for some of us - and doesn't apply to others (like your friend who dates everyone who "catches her eye" - attraction =/= love).

Some of this relates to how we view "love" and what that means to us - which we have discussed in other threads. For me, "love" is elusive enough that I can in fact be with everyone that I love. (I've never "dated" so I don't really know how that part works.) 20 years ago I fell in love, 19 years later it happened again, who knows if lightening will strike a third time? Not looking for it, but it could happen (I wasn't looking for the first two either).

I don't think there is going to be one answer to the "Why poly?" question that applies universally - each person will have their own (short and long) answers to that - our priorities, values, enjoyments, personalities, etc. are so different. Some people like meeting and exploring new people - I don't. So that is part of the "Why poly?" answer for those people but not for me.

So there are really two questions - "Why poly?" in general (what do people get out of having poly relationships - the abstract) and "Why poly?" on the personal level (why does a particular individual travel the poly road - the concrete).

I love reading everyone's responses here as to what their short personal answer is - some really resonate with me ("Oh, I could use that!"), others highlight how different we all are.

JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
Reply With Quote