Posting again with new understandings. thanks for your insightful replies all. Yes I know that I am the only one that can change the way I feel about my looks. Even the cutest Suicide Girl has a chance of having low self esteem. Also, I know that confidence (of which I usually have a surplus) is very attractive.
I've been pretty immature in wanting to "do something" just to guard against emotional hurt. I need to find other ways besides another human to not allow myself to be hurt by my partner's desires and wishes. It's not fair to the other person to view them as having that type of purpose.
With that being said, if a friend and I find that we "like" one another, I will be honest with my husband and probably have a fling of some type, not to "pre-empt" him but to gain more understanding of desires outside our relationship. As long as I'm safe and honest I don't think it could hurt if it happened. Need to tell my husband all this now...