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Old 04-03-2013, 12:34 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 439

Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
Have you thought about how many "extra" activities you schedule when Vix is gone? As parents of young children, MC and I have both had to generally accept that, unless we get a babysitter, we cannot BOTH have lives as the same time. If I'm gone to see TGIB, MC can't do much more than work and kids, and that is PLENTY! So while I think it's great and good that you and the girls took the road trip, I wonder if things like the "playing music" evening would have been better postponed til after Vix was back. Do you feel what you gained from the evening was worth the extra stress?

I'm glad you are content with the way you managed it, and I certainly agree with delegating some of it to the girls, but I'm a little concerned that you are trying to do too much, perhaps as a defense against Vix being gone? Carrying on as though everything is normal and fine? Perhaps I'm way off base, and I hope so, but I thought you might want to consider it.
I still don't want to go into too much detail, but playing music is not, for me, just an occasional enjoyable activity. It's an avocation that involves a number of standing commitments. Last night's gathering was a band practice, not just a random gathering of musically inclined friends.

I have a number of such commitments.

But even if it weren't that, it might be worth doing. I can't wait for Vix to be here to be fully alive and engaged in the wider world. That's self-defeating, for at least two reasons. First, I would be so bitter and angry when Vix is here I wouldn't be living then, anyway. I speak from experience on this. Second, it would be a sad, intermittent kind of life.

But, yes, I acknowledge the point. I may need to make some strategic choices to manage my time better. I mean, having a life might really cut in to the amount of time I spend moping around on the Internet, waiting for Answers or for Something to Happen. Really, there are hours of time I can reclaim from hanging out on Facebook and even on this forum, as useful as it still is to me to read and post here.

More seriously, I think there are some tasks I've always thought I should attend to that I might delegate to others. I've needed for months to do some serious yard work, for example. I haven't done it, and am increasingly paralyzed with guilt for not having done it . . . plus, spring is here, and the wisteria is already growing again, curse the foul weed.

Well, I think I'm going to hire someone to put things in order and to maintain the yard, at least through the summer. That would be a load off my mind and off my schedule, and I can focus on other things.

I've always been reluctant to delegate the care and schlepping of the girls to other people - I always thought of that as our job, something Vix and I should be able to manage between us - but I may have to come around on that one, and I may need to take more responsibility for making the arrangements myself.

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 04-03-2013 at 12:37 PM.
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