I don't have any further advice to add, but perhaps something to contribute to the "Why?" side:
After a very, umm, ....interesting conversation with the relative of a friend regarding sex and reproduction (during which he actually said, "Reproductive sex is real sex. Non-reproductive sex isn't" !!!) I wonder how much of your reaction is biological.
Our logical brains aside, we do still have some reactions and interactions in our society that are based in biology. Thought I'm fairly certain some of your reaction is social conditioning, could some of it be that, biologically, a male is a reproductive threat, while a female is not? Another man could impregnate her; his sperm could win (yes, logically if you're using birth control and practicing safer sex this is unlikely, but we're not discussing rational thoughts here). A woman does not present that risk. (Of course, this reasoning falls apart if you also struggle with the thought of oral sex with a man. I don't know if that's the case or not.)
I'm no scientific expert, and I'm not saying that a biological reason would be impossible to get over, it just might be even harder to uproot than the societal reasons.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack