View Single Post
Old 04-03-2013, 04:43 AM
animo animo is offline
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5
Smile One year as a quad!

Hey all!

This is my first time posting anywhere, since we're not actually out...but as many of you will probably know, it's hard when you're really happy with a new relationship and can't shout it from the rooftops :-)

My wife in I entered (or maybe stumbled) into a polyamorous quad with another couple about a year ago (we're actually talking about celebrating our one-year anniversary soon). The other woman is an old ex-girlfriend of mine from years and years ago who I had seen a bit over the past couple years (illicitly, I'm ashamed to say). My wife met them before the truth came out about me and my gf, and against all odds she and the other man really hit it off...they became fast friends immediately and fell in love. When the truth came out, we had a few choices: cut off contact in the usual way and deal with these feelings forever; or try to make it together as a group. We chose the latter.

It hasn't been easy...early on, envy and jealousy were really difficult to get through. We had a lot of group talking and slowly worked our way up a physical intimacy scale -- I credit my gf for taking charge of the situation...she's amazing -- and really trying to make it work. Every time things seemed like they'd fall apart, we all realized how sad we'd be if we lost this opportunity. At one point, my gf claimed there wasn't really anything between she and I, and I almost jumped ship. She freaked out and realized how desperately she wanted to be with me. Another time, we went a bit too far in physical intimacy, and three out of four had issues for a few weeks...but we took some steps back and eased back into it.

We all have kids...and that has been interesting as well. We all really love and care for each others' kids, and we hope we're doing right by them. Only one of our children, a near-teenager, knows what's going on after catching one of the "opposite couples" kissing. We talked through it, let him know we all just really love each other, and he's been fine with things.

I post here now because it seems like the quad relationships are rare, but becoming more common over time. What seemed like a pipe dream to all of us a year ago now seems like the only future we'll all be happy with. We talk about possible cohabitation at some point, talk about coming out to family and friends (some family and friends know, but most don't...the ones that do accept us so far), and planning our future together. Our love just seems to get deeper over time, and the possibility of things falling apart seems to fade. I hope that's not an illusion.

We're very happy together, and we love each other very much. I get a little giddy just thinking about it. I'm happy to answer questions about our relationship if they might help others in similar situations, and I will probably be posting questions of my own in the future.

Long live polyamory :-)

- animo
Reply With Quote