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Old 04-03-2013, 03:43 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,378

Originally Posted by Arius View Post
My only theory right now is that I've been programmed to see other men (but not women) as a threat.
Your theory isn't likely to get much better. The "normal" heterosexual male perspective is to consider other males as a threat and females as a threesome lol

Originally Posted by Arius View Post
But more importantly, does anyone know how to get over this? I would like to be as comfortable with my partner having sex with men as I am with her having sex with women.
You are on the right track just by asking this question. Good for you!

For me, when I have that nagging feeling of jealousy I lean on my most applicable mantra. I have a few, but for this one I lean on "That's not mine". This one reminds me that they are fully functional humans who are living out their lives, which is preferable. "That's not mine" reminds me that what I am doing is having a possessive response to what they are doing; that I am tricking myself into thinking that I have some level of entitlement about how they are spending their time (which I decidedly am not entitled to).

Failing that (which sometimes happens) I move on to compersion. "I want her to experience the things that make her happy". This one reminds me that what she is doing is what I WANT her to be doing, which is enriching her life and experiencing joy.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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