Thread: Triads? Advice?
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Old 04-03-2013, 12:43 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by franchescasc View Post
So......all of that to say....I hear horror stories about triads. Are we blind to something? Is there anything about this situation that screams out to any of you that I may not see? The last thing I want is to go down a road we will regret, or where someone gets hurt. Thoughts? Words of advice?
I would say to be prepared for imbalance; know that it is coming and that this is just the way human relationships work. When everything is great it'll seem like everyone has cake and is eating the hell out of it too, when it's not so great it might seem like you're in the desert with a mouth full of sand.

Individuals are going to change with time (and not necessarily a lot of time) and it is unlikely pairs or triads are going to miraculously change at the exact same complimentary trajectory. One person is going to be more "in to" the other than is reciprocated. One person is going to have lots of work, hobby, and friend engagements and the other is likely to feel a little left out. When three people are trying to equally balance their interest, time, affection, and intimacy this reality would seem to be compounded.

As with a two person pair, it's important for everyone to keep in mind how much responsibility they are putting on the other for their own sense of happiness. Hopefully everyone has things to do that don't involve the other; friends or interests which do not depend on the other to enjoy. When it's good, enjoy the crap out of it... when the attention doesn't seem to be coming your way... remember that they aren't responsible for your happiness and take responsibility for it yourself. Remember that a "relationship" isn't a thing, it's just a word used to describe two or more *individuals* sharing themselves to whatever degree for a period of time.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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