Things are so different. I am so different. Elemental is so different. Our boundaries and relationship is different. Everything is different.
There is so little fear now in comparison to our first experience with opening up. We have talked about so many things, and lived the reality of the results of a lack of respect when it comes to agreements and mutually agreed upon boundaries. Our ideals have been removed, and our feet are firmly planted in reality.
We're working on a bit of a mission statement for how we do poly. We've worked hard, and suffered mightily to get on the same page, and feel like we are getting closer and closer to what really works for both of us.
We are married, and non-monogamous. We are open to the potential of meaningful connections both together, and separately. We enjoy sexual adventures, but do not participate in meaningless sex; we share real intimacy from our cores with people that we adventure with. We are both very busy people who only have so much time to invest in other relationships, and find partners who come from a place of personal security, happiness and non-attachment. We only want to participate in relationships with people who have integrity and honesty in their existing relationships. We value open communication, self-knowledge, discretion and sexual safety. We are committed to each other, and come from a place of respect, compassion, consciousness, trust and compromise in both our own and other significant relationships. We hold partners to the same standards that we hold ourselves; they must respect us, our marriage and our life, themselves, their health, their partners and the world at large. If they do not, and communication doesn't help, we move on, period. We are cautious of NRE and have a firm grip on the importance of putting limitations on space and time spent in other relationships to keep perspective and not get swept up in selfish behaviours associated with NRE. We shy away from people under the age of thirty, or people who have not been involved in long term relationships in the past. Individual relationships are to be honoured and fleshed out as seen fit by the people involved, and communication about when and how relationships are moved forward is discussed before it happens. We can "project" into the future by saying, "I am okay with you having sex together if the opportunity arises", to create mutual understanding of what both parties are comfortable with, and to remove the need to "check in" to progress a relationship. Protection is to be used for all outside PIV/oral sex, and all partners are to be STI tested before sex happens. We get tested before and after all partners, and let any partners know about sexual connections with others well before they arise.
I'm sure we'll have more to add to this over time. Each experience is different, and teaches us something new - some great, some total shit - we're learning and growing, and that's the main thing.
Wherever you go.... there you are.
Last edited by BaggagePatrol; 04-02-2013 at 07:22 PM.