This. GalaGirl, I salute you. Well put. This is the essence of what my long-winded post was - I wanted to address the bigotry against married people opening up as well, but the heart of it is that pacing, comfort and respect is EVERYTHING in relationships.
Let's remove the third, and think about it without the wife involved. "If you don't sleep with me, I will break up with you." That is what has been put on the table. Already pretty yucky. Add a wife with insecurities and horrible feelings into the mix, and it gets uglier. "If you don't let me sleep with you/your husband, I will break up with BOTH of you. My feelings and needs are more important than anyone else's." Yikes. Yikes indeed.
Single bisexual women are not knights in shining armour, nor damsels in distress. They are their own people with their own strenghts and weaknesses and should be looked at as such. Not everyone is relationship material. Petulant, pushy, disrespectful, ultimatum-giving folk are NOT for me, single, married or otherwise.