Originally Posted by GalaGirl
I could be wrong. But I perceive that as this...
"I need to feel connected with my spouse. I would like for it to come as a sex share."
Could let go of the METHOD (sex share) and focus on OUTCOME (I feel connected with my spouse.)Could maybe ask something like...
"I need to feel connected to you. Would you be willing to hold me for a minute?"Thank you for your advice, I was looking forward to it, your previous replies helped me a lot.
The reason I am putting sex so "high" in the list, is because he told me (when he was trying to dump me for James) that he was no longer sexually attracted to me. That's when I actually started tracking how often we were doing it.
And see if you feel better. Can't force the man to be willing to have sex with you. Could ask if he's willing to share a hug.
I know, I definitely cannot make him want it, and he will hug me if I ask, but I need to know what goes in his heart.
You have a boatload of other stuff to deal with on your plate. Maybe other needs too -- need to be reassured, need to share burdens to lighten the load.
Most definitely. I'm insecure and don't know what to do, because he always made me feel like I was his no.1 priority, the most important person in the world, and I no longer feel that, and its devastating. I told him that, and he said "you still are", but he was probably just trying to comfort me...
Because him breaking up with James does not resolve the other problems. Like his emotional maturity, his up and down moods or his gypsy plan.
Correct. He broke contact with James, but I don't believe he quit on the idea of making this trio happen. I still think he will come with the suggestion that it MUST happen.
He still doesn't sound stable to me right now.
He isn't, at this point neither am I. I ask myself how this happened, because I was truly happy, and apparently he wasn't and exploded all over my face in a short period of time. I didn't see any of this coming, I was not prepared for all these sudden changes in his priorities. I don't understand why the sexual fantasy of being a Master with a Slave Farm (really, he wants that) overpowers having a loving husband.
Support for unburdening? Maybe you would like a counselor's aid in a difficult time for extra support? (Minister if you have one? Family in real life? Friends in RL?)
Don't get so hung on HIM providing for all your needs that you do not avail yourself to OTHER means of getting some of your needs met so you can make it through a challenging time in better condition.
He feels responsible for me, but hey... that was part of the deal when you seduce an 18 year old. He insisted on taking care of my every need, but to the point that right now I only have him to turn to, or family/friends over the web. At the end of the day, if we do break up, I will be miserable, and he still has the power and experience to restart his life, as he has done in the past. He has lived in over 12 different cities, he is used to having a new start, but I'm not. I truly want to spend the rest of my life with him, and so did he, he told me that before, I don't understand why it has changed so abruptly.
Yesterday we had sex in the morning (yay, end of celibacy) and I thought we were getting on the right track. But during breakfast he got pissed because I deleted a message from a "potential slave". He got angry, that I was undermining his efforts of becoming a master and that he thought I was his partner and would support his decisions. In a few seconds, he told me "I still think about breaking up with you!".
Needless to say, it totally crushed me. I tried in the morning, afternoon and even had a "crying attack" in the evening, sobbing and everything. He tried to comfort me (he really tried), took me to bed, we hugged, even felt asleep (we NEVER hug while napping or sleeping, he falls asleep on me, but then goes to his side to actually sleep for the night, but that is fine, it's just the position he likes).
I told him that I need security, stability (he knows that) and that I can't go on wondering if we're going to last a day, a week, a month. I said all I wanted to hear was that he wouldn't leave me because he does love me, and he said it. Now, since I was crying my heart out, he might have said it just to comfort me, I don't really know if he meant it. But he did say he regret telling me that he was thinking about breaking up, not because it wasn't true, but because he hates seeing me hurt.
James is gone, and that might be temporary. My husband will continue his search for other slaves. The gypsy thing has been slowing down lately, but he now wants a bike (BMW, so we're gonna shed 16-20k for this toy). He says it's to cut traffic, but we both know it's just a bigger penis, a symbol of youth and independence. If it was for traffic, any bike would do, but he wants a really cool one.
Most people here advise me "break with him! move on! that's over!" and I wonder if these people ever had a lasting relationship, or a truly loving relationship. I'm not yet at the point where I'm willing to give up on us. I still love him, and I know that he loves me, not as much as I do, but he still does.