i don't really believe in astrology, but one thing that is supposedly typical for "my" sign gemini and which i think is actually true for me is being interested in a million different things. i get so focused on a new idea, research it, think about it, talk about it. but i never want to do just one thing so i can sometimes find myself a bit overwhelmed and wondering how i ended up with such a full plate. and i guess it's the same with meeting guys...
my "original" boyfriend (the one i began exploring polyamory with) and i are "just" friends at the moment, but i'm hoping that we can have more of a romantic relationship again soon. i think we just need some more time and distance to what we went through. i still have a lot of love for him. apart from him, there are currently 5-6 guys that i have some kind of romantic connection with. with romantic connection i mean that we have had sex/made out, keep in contact and/or they would probably want to make out/have sex. BUT. not a lot is happening. i may have seen them once or twice, we may have talked about meeting up again but having difficulties finding a time when both are available.
in my last post i talked about "the ghost". i have been seeing him more regularly and had some discussions about me not wanting a relationship as such but just letting it be what it is. so far he seems fine with this and i am enjoying spending time with him. he is very tender and kind. he does however have some ed, so it's never full on sex, which is lovely in a way (building that tension can feel really good!) but still a bit frustrating sometimes. a good pounding would be welcome right about now.
so, even though from the outside it may look like i am seeing all of these guys, and my friends have a hard time keeping track of them, not a lot is happening. i was having more sex before when i was just with one person! i have been romancing myself more lately which is a good thing i think. i'm not just talking masturbation here, although that is good stuff too. it's just so easy for me to get distracted by other people and what they might want from me so it's important to have those moments where i'm just hanging out with myself. spoiling myself with the kinds of food, books, movies, music or other activities that i enjoy.
i'm a bit confused at the moment as to whether i should have a long hard think about what my intentions are with these different guys, or if i should just relax and let things happen, or not happen, as it were. i am a bit worried that i'm trying to force things, just because i think i "should". i don't really know what i want.