I talked to my mom and she said to just forget about it.
"Could choose to tell him that rekindling a romance is off the table. You didn't enjoy lies and don't appreciate new lies now. He will go away. Feelings that follow? Your NRE feelings will die down to a more tolerable level because you are not stirring them up. Then you can feel comfortable in yourself again."
I agree with this. When he left the first time the feelings and sad that I felt went away. I found other things to focus on. I learned of a tv show that filled that void and it changed me a lot and I do try to smile more, in fact I smile a ton more.
<- see? i mean it.
I do have a guy that I am talking to who is pretty awesome and he is cool with me and Ben, and everything.
I guess I thought with him showing up, things changed, but they didn't. Well, since this is the case and I appreciate the replies, I am off to watch my show and get all happy again. <3