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Old 04-01-2013, 12:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,854
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You have a lot going on there in a short post.

Love does not have to be "proven." It just is. You do not have to "endure" or "sacrifice" poor treatment of you. Love is given as a gift. The BF just either values you and your loving or he does not.

You ---(love)----> BF

does not necessarily mean

BF ----(love)----> You

so it can coexist like

You <---(love) ----> BF

Maybe he enjoys receiving your love. But what he gives you is less than loving. I would call cheating on your agreements "less than loving behavior."

That is why only "love" is not enough in a healthy relationship. There must also be "respect and consideration" of each partner. A TWO WAY street. So it can be this:

You <---(love) ----> BF

Cheating, breaking agreements between you -- is not cool. It's normal to be bothered by your partner cheating on you. You could speak up and call his behavior into account. Explain himself. Then sort it out what this means for the relationship -- changes in agreements? Changes in behavior? Change in the relationship up to and including ending it? You all figure it out between you.

But NOT speaking up when you are being lied to/hurt is not self-respecting behavior. You are in responsible for your own well being.

To be aroused by imagining your partner in sexual situations -- that's just arousal. So you are a healthy living person with sexual desires and appetites. So what? Sexual fantasy is a safe way to experience many things -- some which you may want in real life, and some which you do NOT want to have in real life. Could not confuse this arousal with ethics or healthy loving.

If you want to explore polyamory with BF, could resolve the cheating/lies/respesct/consideration behaviors first. Because he could cheat/lie and break poly agreements too.

This isn't about the shape of the relationship or how many players. This is about his conduct being trustworthy / respectful. Could resolve this problem first. Could deal with one thing at a time here.

HTH!

Galagirl
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