I am in control of my future. I looked within myself and figured out what type of relationship I want and how do I want to maintain my happiness. I only want to be with my Matt. We are working on something different. A relationship where it is just two now. I never ID'ed as poly. I practised it, but it did not define me. Society was determined to affix a label to me. I will not be identifying as mono either. I am me. Nothing more. I view poly as an orientation like lesbian or bisexual. A woman can marry a man or a woman, and there is no rule that says she will automatically want to be with both at some point. She may have urges, but it is possible for her to be happy with just that man or that woman. Only she knows what she wants out of that marriage and how she wants to live. That is me. I do not want more than one relationship anymore. There is nothing my hubby is lacking. There was never anything that Si could do that he could not. I never had some rainbow filled idea of romance and what-not. I cherish the time we had, and I will love her always. I just do not wish to be romantically linked anymore. Poly is not what I would call my nature. I was never "wired." I can be attracted to someone, but I do not have to be with them. They may not be a good fit for me. I am doing this because it feels right. I cannot deny what is in my heart or what now feels natural.
My breakup has sent shockwaves across the circles and legions of our loved ones. I do not believe I will be suppressing my urges or being someone other than me. I have simply chosen to approach my marriage a certain way now. I would much rather give time and energy to creating what I want now than taking time away from my husband and crossing my fingers that it will all work out. This is what needs my attention. This is where my heart lies. This is where the path of life has guided me. I want to be a better wife, be more attentive, be a better listener, and do this right. I have to improve and not make mistakes again. I am giving my marriage the chance it never had, and I am living my life and making this relationship the way I want to enhance my happiness. For that, I owe no explanations.