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Old 01-10-2010, 04:23 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by spectaculove View Post
Since that time my partner and I have been more connected, invigorated and passionate than ever. He is still very in love with me, and my core feeling has been that it is silly for me to deny my love for him. We tried to take space from eachother out of town and ended up spending all that time together.
Hello Spec,

What you mention above seems pretty common between two (or more) people who really love each other and it seems this is one of the dreams and hopes associated with polyamory. Because when you think about it - this really IS a 'shared' journey and there's nothing that binds us to others like sharing special times - be they all glittery and warm or painful. It's something we go through TOGETHER. So happy for you guys !

Originally Posted by spectaculove;
I dont want to keep myself in a situation that i may not be up for, one that causes so much pain for me.............

But since that day, I have been very angry with her. I have released this so many times, but it comes creeping back in different forms. I feel betrayed and repulsed by my sister, who told me only days before sleeping with my partner that she was in love with someone else, after i shared with her a deep secret of a new joy i had found with my partner. I know she has her own personal issues with confusion in love right now. She is also experienced in polyamoury. But I wonder what this girl thought of me when she asked to kiss my partner.
Change is usually painful for us humans. There's something built into us that likes to have everything all nice & predictable (more in some areas than others - such as this). It's a fear thing. But as we recognize more and more that the fear was largely unfounded, the pain goes away. This isn't unique to polyamory - we deal with it all the time in other areas as we stretch ourselves. Maybe you should think back to some times in your own life where you've had to struggle through something - only to finally conquer it.

And, IF I'm reading your writing correctly, there's a bit of sensitivity to the "timing" thing. The fact that something went down without prior notice or discussion. In case I'm right - it's something I've heard others voice concern over too. Here's my thoughts on that....

One we decide between us that we are going to open our lives to others and acknowledge the fact right up front that is has to be open & with honesty to work, this sometimes get's interpreted as some for of "pre-authorization". Now, there's a couple of concerns I have with that and some of it depends on people's lifestyles such as travel and work/social engagements etc. There's a certain element of "control" in there if you don't keep things in realistic perspective. I hope that makes sense ?
In this lovestyle, "control" can be a limiting condition and add complications and power struggles where there shouldn't be any ! What I'm trying to say I guess, is that in an ideal world, we'd probably like to have the opportunity to "discuss" potential new connections in advance, maybe all meet together, get some form of consensus etc. In reality, for some that's not ALWAYS practical, and for some it totally removes the possibility for spontaneity and I'm sure many will agree that spontaneous connections can end up being some of the most beautiful ones.

So anyway, good luck to you ! You seem to have a wonderful thing started and the right attitude.

Thanks for sharing.

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