Originally Posted by WhatHappened
Can those members who are in primary relationships, especially those whose OSOs are single, tell me their response to this comment on OSOs enhancing your primary relationship, and how that balances with seeing your secondary/OSO as a person in their own right?
If it makes you feel better, I don't see OSOs as automatically enhancing primary relationships at all, rather that if there is another relationship the couple within the primary relationship had better be putting a lot of work into their own relationship if they want things to last between each other. The initial emotional upheaval is similar to what I imagine cheating would entail, and quite a few seemingly happy couples don't make it through the transition of opening up.
I wouldn't recommend anyone add a relationship just to improve the one they already have. I'd only recommend the new relationship if they want a new relationship so much that they're ok with the possibility that it will mean the end of their current relationship, as it very well may, no matter how close the couple felt going in.
My wife and I are doing what we can to make things work, and we each get along with each other's partners, but I'm pretty sure that if we knew what it'd all entail going in we'd have remained monogamous. At this point it just doesn't seem like there's any going back, we can only move forward.
My OSO is single with two kids, and my wife Ginko's OSO is newly single as polyamory unintentionally brought his marriage to a close. I feel lucky to have the metamour that I do. He's done his best to make sure Ginko and I continue to relate well to each other, and he with me.
At this point we've made it through what seems like a lot of the initial growing pains of opening up, and the most prominent challenges are more due to work and class schedules than anything else, which should ease up in the next year or so.