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Old 03-31-2013, 01:21 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
I want to be able to say, "I really could use having you to myself this evening," but don't always want to have to say it- want him to just spontaneously want to spend time just the two of us.

Can anyone help me get myself sorted?
Could ask him for time with him alone so you help yourself get your connection need met.

Could stop expecting him to mind reader your wants, needs and limits from the skies. He cannot meet a need he does not know you have right now.

Could let go of an unreasonable want for your partner to be mind reading psychic.

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Just recently DH gave his GF my cell number so she could text me sometime. No big deal, right? Well, except 1.) I wasn't informed of this plan beforehand,
So inform him you want to be told before he gives out your number to people in future.

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2.) when I went to browse their texting convos he admitted they'd been 'conspiring' and asked me not to read it.
Could respect his limits when he asks you not to be going in his phone.

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I have a vivid, pessismistic imagination so my mind immediately goes to worst case scenario.
Could work on changing your thinking patterns and trust you partner.

Remember this?

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he's great, he's great, they're great together. He's still loving and attentive to me, and considers my feelings most of the time, and if he slips up it doesn't seem intentional.
Could recall that when the inner judging voice pipes up yammer and choose to believe in actions done and ACTUALITY.

Rather choose to believe in funked up inner voice yammer imaginings and feelings and PERCEIVED REALITY. Could learn to stop "tempest in a teapotting" yourself into a tizzy and get a better handle on emotional management/anxiety management.

Are you willing to let him have personal privacy as an individual?

Are you willing to let them have couple privacy on their tier of relationship?

If so? This business of you wanting to know every little detail? Doesn't give him any respect to privacy or emotional space at all.

You feel jealous/excluded in there somewhere? Maybe this helps:

http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im...ed_10-6-10.pdf
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/p.../jealousy.html

Quote:
I'm in this conundrum of wanting to express my feelings but to not feel too demanding. I want to be able to say, "I really could use having you to myself this evening," but don't always want to have to say it- want him to just spontaneously want to spend time just the two of us.
But in short, if you feel the need for connection, could focus on what you want. CONNECTION feelings with him. And go about making the space to cultivate that.

Rather than focus on what you do not want -- exclusion feelings.

Don't make the mistake of creating emotional distance between you just because you want him to be psychic and he's just not.

Do not make the mistake of thinking just you having some "basic adult human needs" is you "automatically being a demanding person."

Don't want to be demanding? Don't. Just request.

Demand: "Do this now! Or else!"
Request: "Hon, I would like.... Could you be willing to do that?"

It's not the mere having of the needs. Everyone has needs. Just how you make your needs know. Learn some "volume knob" in there. It's not the radio station OFF and you never express your needs and just wish him to divine it from the skies. Or the radio station full volume BLASTING DEMANDS on the other extreme. Find the volume that serves you somewhere in the happy medium. Ask him how he'd like to be approached when you have needs and would like to make requests.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 03-31-2013 at 01:27 AM.
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