My Mrs. mentioned the guilt thing last weekend. I listened to her. I kept telling her that I never blamed her or her lifestyle, way of living, state of being, existence, or what the hell ever, for anything that transpired. She wasn't trying to hear it then, and she isn't trying to hear it now. I can't make her stop feeling guilty or control what she does.
Well, Matt, this is true. You cannot control how your spouse feels or behaves in her other relationship. Whether or not she regrets it -- that is also on her to deal with.
It's a challenging time for everyone involved because of the high emotion each has to process through. Nobody can do that for
another. Each has to hold their own emotional baggage.
Be good to be able to take a time out to gather thoughts together and regain composure first before making decisions. It is not unreasonable to expect to feel all kinds of yucky in a situation like this.
You were able to take that time out space for yourself and seem to have benefited from that. I would suggest the same to your spouse -- to take a little time to digest some before making big changes. Even if coming to the same kinds of decisions -- she benefits from arriving there from a cooler head rather than a het up place. More calm within.
But it's on her in the end how she wants to behave through her individual process.
And it will be what it will be at the end of this long process that is still unfolding for the entire group of people.
I can only hope you each come to a more peaceful place at the final outcome.
Hang in there.