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Old 03-30-2013, 11:29 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,555

Hi sjn1069,

I guess you could say I'm in a polyandrous relationship, two guys and one gal, even though only one of the guys is allowed to be legally married to her. We think of ourselves as all married to each other, even though us two guys are just platonic friends.

Our relationship is closed, not that we couldn't add anyone new, but it's unlikely and would be an involved process. We don't have sex outside our circle of three. Such is our choice.

I think to some extent we just needed time to sort it all out. We've been together since 2006, but our first few years together were a heck of a bumpy ride. I think I was a lot of the problem, but at the same time all three of us had to learn how to be (reasonably) accomodating to each other's wants and needs.

I personally started doing better when I had a certain amount of privacy; to wit, an attached bedroom/bathroom of my own. I think it also helped that I eventually arrived at an effective regimen of medications. I've been diagnosed as various things over the years: bipolar, depressed, PTSD, etc.

Things are going pretty good with our trio these days, we're pretty comfortable with each other. Not there's not the occasional off-moment (or the occasional crappy day I may have), but I'd say we're 96% happy together.

Sharing "my" lady with the other guy has, for the most part, come naturally to me over the years. I'm glad when they're doing well together. The occasional fit of jealousy had more to do with me than with them; that is, it had to do with feeling like I wasn't getting my own needs met. But as I said, we've all three learned a lot, and I can't even remember when the last time was that I had a jealous "twinge." In the years since about 1995, I grew rather fond of the idea of people sharing each other as they do in polyamory.

As for peers that will question how I can 'allow' my lady to do that, that issue hasn't cropped up yet because we are basically in the closet about it, not counting our memberships in poly forums and in our local poly group. We have one monogamous friend who knows about our relationship, and she thinks it's fine even though it wouldn't be her cup of tea. My older brother and his wife "unofficially know," and they've made it plain that they accept us as we are and just want us to be happy. So dealing with people who think I'm letting myself be exploited, just hasn't happened yet.

If it did, I suppose I would tell them I care about the other guy in my poly unit, and wouldn't want to deny him that kind of happiness with the lady of our household (nor would I want to deny her that happiness). I don't know, it just doesn't bother me. And actually, technically, I am free to pursue other women ... but I'm not that interested in doing so. I guess I like the extra "me time."

Hope that helps!
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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