What you (the OP) describe sounds like a version of "relationship broken add people stir wait until thickened", except maybe your relationship is not broken.
How would your wife feel if you had a girlfriend who tried to fuck you every time she had an argument with one of her other partners? Is it a turn-on, or a turn-off? It sounds like this hasn't actually happened to you yet, so it's good that you're talking about these things, but it's kind of odd that your wife says "in the past, I would have..." So, in the past, HAS she? I don't really care, but it might make a difference to you.