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Old 03-30-2013, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
We are now in a poly triad. this is the first time we have ever been in a poly relationship. Its been kinda hard for me. i think its because i have been with him for so long and sharing is different. Sometimes i feel kinda left out. like last week she slept over and they would snuggle and i kinda felt alone. sometimes i wonder if they are getting closer and im kinda just there. they seem to talk alot more than me and her talk.
It's pretty common in a poly triad for things to be a little "unbalanced." This seems to be especially true of MFF triads, with the male partner and the newer female partners showing more affection than the female-female side of the triangle, leaving the other female partner feeling a bit left out of things.

So where does that leave you? You could try talking to them and expressing your feelings about this. You could try talking to your male partner and letting him know that you're feeling a bit neglected, and telling him some ways he can show you more affection and attention. You could try talking to your gf and letting her know you'd like to spend more one-on-one time connecting and getting closer.

am i being crazy or are these feelings normal? im thinking this is normal and things i just need to work through?
I always struggle with the word "normal" and I'm not going to try and guess what you mean. Common? Yep, it's pretty common for someone in your situation to feel that way. Inevitable? Nope, probably not, but there's nothing wrong with having the feelings that you do.

Few people have much experience in multiple triads. They tend to try it once, and it often explodes, and they never touch them again. They often appear forced. People try to form this perfectly balanced triangle where everyone always gets the same amount of love and affection, and that's typically unrealistic. They often split off into a "vee" or simply implode. Not trying to be the doomsayer, just reporting what I see.

I find that relationships work a lot better when you just let them flow, being what they are rather than imposing expectations and being disappointed when those expectations are not met. If you let go of expecting the relationship with you and the other woman to be as powerful as the relationship with you and your boyfriend, or her and your boyfriend, then you won't be so upset if it doesn't turn out that way.

my next question is how do you deal with people that do not support our life style? my family is very old school italian family and very against it. even though i really have not completely told them. but they keep telling me that its wrong, he is going to leave me for her, and im a embarrassment to the family. god that is hard to say/type. pretty much i am not talking to them about it and not involving them in our relationship with her.
There are a number of people on here who aren't "out" to their families. I personally see nothing wrong with that. Families of origin tend to have a "Christmas and Easter" role in most people's lives, and there usually isn't a lot of good reason to press the issue. You don't need your parents' approval to live your life the way you want to. You're not likely to change the way they think, and it could be a constant struggle.

Then again, some people "need" to be out and can't live life with "secrets" that they keep from their family. In that case, all you can really do is do your thing and hope they come around.

The final question i have is children. How do you explain to kids if they start to question us. We have a 6 and 4 yr old and she has a 7 yr. I'm sure the 6 and 7 yr old will be asking questions soon so I am wondering how do you answer their questions.
Openly and Honestly. Kids are really cool and they have little to no predetermined beliefs. If you tell them this is acceptable and positive, they won't know any differently.

My gf has kids, she and her husband are both poly, and things work really well over there. The 14-yo just sees their other partners as more cool people hanging out around the house from time to time, and maybe the occasional extra gift at Christmas. It's worth mentioning that in our case, myself and her husband's boyfriend both have our own spouses, so we don't spend the majority of our time there.

Some people worry about the kids getting attached, and then the relationship(s) failing and the kids getting sad. That's always a risk of course, but it's no greater than when a single mom is dating in general. Every kid is different. Some get really attached, others could care less.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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