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Old 03-30-2013, 06:02 AM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Richardson, TX
Posts: 1,328

Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
i think its because i have been with him for so long and sharing is different.
I like the language you are using here because you aren't making a value judgment. You are correct, having someone all to yourself and then watching them split their time and resources with someone else is a pretty big change. No doubt that can be quite a shock to the system.

Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
sometimes i wonder if they are getting closer and im kinda just there.
I get you; it can be a trial to work through. I have recently been dealing with my feelings about IV spending most of her "bed time" with CV. It isn't because we are new to the relationship (she had a family trauma and this is one of the temporary reactions) but the difficulties are similar. I've been posting here on my blog, making sure to be "present" whenever IV reaches out to me, and being patient.

She's coming back around but it has been a trying learning experience for me.

Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
they seem to talk alot more than me and her talk.
Each relationship is likely to be very different. If you think about it, all relationships are very different. The way you are with one friend might not be how you behave with another. Everyone brings something to the table and we naturally react. It isn't a value judgment necessarily, just that different people prompt different instincts of interaction.

In the poly world it turns out that this is actually a positive thing. We get to have loving, romantic relationships with various people who all challenge, entertain, and interact with us on different levels. I see it as having more opportunity to live more fully when it comes to relating with others and hopefully our partners are exploring the same opportunity.

Originally Posted by AZtriad View Post
am i being crazy or are these feelings normal? im thinking this is normal and things i just need to work through?
You are decidedly not crazy.

It's normal and something you need to work through. I don't hear anything in the way you've expressed yourself that causes me to have too much concern. If you'll keep in mind just a few things I'm sure you'll be fine.

1. You are responsible for your own feelings (you seem to be embracing that)
2. Enjoy what you *do* get from your partners and focus less on what you *don't* get
3. Feelings of jealousy or confusion are normal, just as long as you don't let them rule your actions (you sound like you are working on this)

Opening up to family and raising kids will be better answered by one of our other members. I can give you plenty of advice but it is unlikely I can't bring much useful information to the table.
Independent (Anarchist) Non-Monogamy

Me: male, 40, straight, single
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