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Old 03-30-2013, 01:31 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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The post I intended to write today, before I got derailed by Grotto's confession:

I have a plump envelope ready to post to Djuna. It's been a long time coming; one of the letters I wrote in January, oops. A recent e-mail from her had a nudge about it. Shit, just realised I still haven't told her about Plinth. Next time we Skype, gotta do this.

Plinth isn't doing too well at the moment, dealing with some volatile head weather. I'm not close enough to him (well, we don't have the history) for me to be a Known Shoulder to lean on, though I have said I'm here to listen if he needs to, massage, whatever. Hope to catch up with him over the next few days. Whatever's going on can't be helped by his job situation at the moment. He does shift-work (manual labour, mmmmmmm, his sweat is so delicious, ah, where was I? oh yeah.) Recently they've been cancelling shifts on him at the last minute, or calling him up then sending him home after his minimum hours. Really not worth waking him up at 4am for, poor dude. He's looking for another job.

Meanwhile, the apartment Ocean and I are staying at has gone to month-by-month lease. It's a tad expensive, even for the area, and we've been considering moving. As it happens, new flatmates at Plinth's house dropped out at the last minute, and they are looking for replacement housemates asap. Plinth mentioned it to us, and Ocean thought he might see if that would work for him.

This triggered a couple of responses from the 'metamour' department.

Grotto: shaken by the thought of me moving in with Plinth, when I'm not living with him (Grotto). Though I'm moving to a new city in two weeks, for six months, he was thinking what happens when I get back into town. More things to unpack here. Living arrangements are a work in progress for us. Officially I still live with Ocean. We've toyed with the idea of living together the three of us (probably in the context of a large share-flat scenario), but we're not there yet. I stay at Grotto's 2-3 nights a week, but most of my things are at Ocean's. Hmm. I've flagged this to tease out later

Menrva: unhappy with the thought of Ocean shifting to the other side of town. It's not really that far, but it's a matter of being slightly north vs slightly east of the CBD. It would mean an extra 20-30 mins travel to see each other. Although, they'd still be at the same workplace, and there's a spare room at Menrva's house... But, anyway, she's sad about the idea and has helped Ocean apply for a one-bedroom apartment that is currently available in the same building that she lives.

Eek! When Ocean told me, I had a flood of emotions... He should do what's best for him. He's basically moving in with Menrva? Should I move my stuff out? She wants him to live close to him, but would that be good for him? Hoping he'd be able to make a decision that works, won't add stress, make him sad. Concern for him, annoyance at Menrva, combined with being pleased she cares about him, helps him out - messy! Reminded me a lot of how I felt about Djuna when she wanted Grotto to stay in our old city, even though work was better for him here. I didn't want to be involved in the decision, I wanted Grotto to make up his own mind.

I had a vested interest (I wanted Grotto to move here) but I thought that should be put aside, as far as possible, to focus on his needs. I guess you can't help having personal motives, when your partners are deciding where to live, but... ah. I'm big on independence. For myself, I'm quite strong on doing what's fruitful for you, personally, first & foremost. How this fits in with other people certainly does factor in, and it's obviously not clear-cut (how a move will affect a relationship is an aspect of how it will affect you, etc) but I've found it to be a useful priority for me. I don't move or stay entirely for someone else. I do it for me. If it doesn't work out, I don't want to feel resentment towards anyone.

I'm not especially keen on Ocean living with Plinth (would be funny, but I'm not fussed either way), but I'd like him (for him) to be in a space he feels positive about, and comfortable in. And, for me, my only thought is that we ultimately want to live in a shared living situation rather than living by ourselves. Ocean has the same long-term goal, but short-term he's needed some personal space, and wanted to live in a place with just the two of us. Recently, the ideas we've had about places to move have been when rooms have become available in houses where friends live. So, for him to move to another one-bedroom place is a different trajectory. Maybe best for him at the moment, but... we need to talk

This Monday is Ocean & my 7-year anniversary, from when we first got together. I have a telephone appointment with him in 5 mins to chat about what we should do. (He's been at a conference Easter weekend). Yup, our lives are full, functional.

Spending the day with Grotto today. Heading out for a walk soon, then doing some writing. May be helping another friend with babysitting in the evening. I'd love to watch him change a nappy. Might make him Nappy Monitor for the night, hehe.
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