It certainly seems that you've been blindsided by this whole thing and are doing what you can to make sense of it as you're going through it. Lots of people spend time making sense of it before they go through with being open. Either way, bravo to you for remaining insightful.
I also love how you're taking responsibility for the hard feelings arising as yours to deal with. That's just fantastic. That's not to say that there aren't legitimate things to be angry at, but owning your emotions definitely makes it easier to tell the difference.
Good luck in your crazy roller coaster ride, and hope you do find some bits to enjoy!