I've had a few talks with my girlfriend, and it has evolved from being ok with an occasional one-night-stand a couple of months ago, to basically not tolerating anything anymore. She is currently not interested in sharing me in any way, and cannot picture it happening any time soon, if ever.
On the other hand, I'm still not sure what I want exactly. Is it a need to "catch up" for being such a late bloomer. Am I trying to create some distance this way (I'm Dismissive–avoidant, she is Anxious–preoccupied
, that's another issue we have). Am I truly polyamerous, or do I just want an open sexual relationship. Or is it one of the many other things that occasionally pops into my mind. The only thing I'm sure of, is that there is something off.
And it feels like, the more I read into the subject, the more difficult it gets having to suppress my feelings.