Originally Posted by nycindie
If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to address this obsession in therapy or you will postpone getting married. If he continues to be this much of an uncaring beast, WALK AWAY and break it off completely. If you keep backing down and trying to be "understanding," he will run roughshod all over you! If he is this obsessed and oblivious to your concerns now, and you don't stick to your position, he can twist everything around until you become his sex slave! Do you want to find yourself tied up and blindfolded while he brings in strangers to fuck you??? End it for your own good.
What kind of respect do you think he will give you in a month or a year if he can't respect you now? Come on, honey, open your eyes!
I have tried to get him to go to a therapist in the past when he first came out because he was behaving in a irrational way (he is manic depressive and was going through a mania/depressed phase then). We did find one he was comfortable with who has experience with alternate lifestyles to see on a one to one basis with. He said it helped. The only concern I had with this was he refused to do any couples therapy (even when the therapist asked). I'm concerned if he's actually telling things like they are or just his fantasy interpretation of things. I would LOVE to do a couples therapy session just so I could have a unbiased person there to see/hear/interpret things. I know I am not the best when it comes to verbal communication/expression but I don't think I'm as bad as he's making me feel I am. He stopped seeing her because we couldn't afford to pay for the sessions. But now that he's gotten a promotion maybe I can talk him to going back at least once a month, should be able to afford that.
I don't think he's deliberately being disrespectful I think he just doesn't see what he's doing as disrespectful. I feel if he was made aware that what he's doing was disrespectful he would stop or correct himself.
I don't think he would go so far as to manipulate me into being a sex slave. He can be manipulative but NOT that manipulative. I'm a pretty strong willed person for the most part, my close family and loved ones being the only weakness. But even they know I have a limit to what I will tolerate. And when he has pushed for things and I have strongly opposed something he does back off. My problem is I do not like the fact that he keeps coming back later after I've calmed down. Makes me feel like I should be on guard or something.