Originally Posted by Beth13
x) Know them well enough to know what their morals are such as they will not lie, cheat, steal, harm me.. everyone he's brought in so far are COMPLETE strangers to me. I have customers at work that I know better and I only have to deal with them in a professional 'Hi! Have a nice day!' manner. Just cause he's spent more than 30 minutes and think's their 'ok' doesn't mean I will.
Y) Once the whole getting to know you phase is over and I feel I can trust that person then we can work out what's expected if we decide to go through with a relationship, ya know the whole is this a relationship or just a friends with benefits etc.
Then maybe Z can happen. Right now, no way.
Ok...excellent. To what extent have you explicitly verbalised this to him?
It's all well and good for posters above who don't understand your situation to label him an 'uncaring beast' and encourage you to 'open your eyes' (which I find super patronising, btw)...but the truth is that none of us know quite what the reality is.
If I'm being generous towards J, I could say that he simply has a bit of a fantasy towards a threesome situation (nothing wrong with that) and he's excited at the possibility of being able to make it a reality. This doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, or that he's a bad person, or that he has the desire to totally disrespect you and 'run roughshod' over every aspect of your life.
Of course...he may have that desire too, we just don't know.
My feeling is that instead of taking the moral high ground and assuming the worst about a person (which is not uncommon for this forum), it's better to go the other way and give someone the benefit of the doubt. Give J the chance to step up to the mark and put his own excitement to one side for a second and show some empathy towards you.
But that can only start when you explicitly communicate what you want, which you did very well in your above response back to me. You can even say to him 'I know you're excited about this, which is fair enough...but I want you to put yourself in my shoes for a second...'
Then explain the above.
If he continues to ignore your fears, then you can tackle that problem at the time...but at least give him chance first to come around to your way of thinking.