Originally Posted by FullofLove1052
This guilt of mine just hit out of nowhere like a ton of bricks . . . I feel guilty about things that happened years ago . . . I have started this path of discovery, but I feel like I am undergoing a metamorphosis and a massive overhaul. Matt is puzzled . . . Only heaven knows where it may end.
You are in a whirlwind. Events have taken place on your marriage which opened your eyes to how your husband was feeling. Stay present as much as you can. My therapist used to say that guilt was useless, and a revered teacher of mine always said that we hold onto feeling bad as a way to do penance. At some point, you will need to let go of beating yourself up. You both need to forgive yourselves and each other.
Stop rehashing the past unless it is necessary to look at certain life events that helped shape your thought processes and belief systems. Going over and over things in your mind and feeling bad about them will only keep you stuck.
Take each day as it comes, process your thoughts and feelings but don't make decisions out of them. I don't mean that you shouldn't follow through on agreements you made - just don't let yourself get into this kind of thinking: "Oh my gosh, I am such a ___, I should stop doing ___ and fix the mess I made by doing ___ from now on!" That is not a good way to make important choices. You are punishing yourself too much.
Give yourself time to get on level ground again. Solutions will come to you if you stay in the here and now. Only in the present can we see with clarity and know what needs to be done.