Originally Posted by Beth13
For one, when I even slightly indicate that I might be interested in something like that in the future he pushes for RIGHT NOW as in calling up a male friend/acquaintance and setting something up that night or that week. I first need to know and trust ANYONE I plan to let in my life that much, not accounting if there any kind of attraction at all.
Then there is the whole if I indicate the possibility of a future threesome he immediately starts running away with the idea of orgies and wanting a female in the mix when I have explicitly indicated I would do NOTHING with a female as I am not attracted to females and that it would put me in a negative mental place due to having been molested by a female when I was a child.
Respect for your honesty.
So what I'm hearing is that if you're going to have sex with anyone, regardless of if its a 3some, you need to feel a level of trust.
Whereas J just wants to enjoy the fantasy.
Neither of you are wrong here, but I do agree with you that he is getting so wrapped up in his own fantasy that he isn't seeing your side of things.
So next question - how do you know when you trust someone? What would a person have to say or do, or what qualities would they need to demonstrate to you to give you that feeling of 'yeah...I trust this guy'?
The reason I'm asking is that once you have this insight, you can communicate it to J. Right now it's just a nebulous 'not now but maybe in the future' which doesn't give him anything to work with. Whereas if you say 'I need to trust a man in order for this to happen, and for me that means x, y and z need to happen first' then it gives him a clear picture of why you cannot go ahead right now.
I think that would most likely stop him pushing so hard in the way he is doing at the moment.