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Old 03-28-2013, 10:33 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,616

I agree with LR - excellent come-back given the responses to your original post. Kudos to you for taking that feedback and coming back! (a lot of people run away and never post again if they perceive any negative reaction to their initial post.

Now onto your questions:

Originally Posted by Skylines508 View Post
1. What motivated you to seek out a site like this, and what led you to join this particular site?
Years ago I had been involved in a similar type community (the alt.polyamory newsgroup) - I had wandered away because nothing new was happening on my "poly horizon" - we had already discussed/dissected all of the ideas that I had on the topic at that time.

Then I found myself in a new poly configuration - hinge in a cohabitating MFM Vee (previously I was a "married bisexual woman with casual female FWBs" situation) - there were new ideas/concepts that I wanted to talk about so I sought out others to talk to that might have some idea where I was coming from - and found

I joined this particular site because it was the most active poly forum that I found and several of the frequent posters here are in situations that are roughly similar to mine.

Originally Posted by Skylines508 View Post
2. What do you gain from this community, do you even consider this forum to be an online community?
What I gain - mainly perspective and exposure to different ways of doing things. There is no one "right" way to do poly (although there are lots of ways of doing it "wrong" - disrespectful, abusive, cheat-y ways for example ). Sometimes someone will post something that prompts a discussion among the three of us to clarify something - which helps our communication and keeps us on the "same page".

I DO consider this forum to be an "online community" - the community of "" members. I think it is important, however, to distinguish this from a larger theoretical amorphous "community of polyamorous people" - which I DON'T think exists. To be a "community" I think requires more than the sharing of one common idea (especially an idea as widely varied as "polyamory").

I think that this forum qualifies as a "community" because of the "shared experience" of talking about certain topics and sharing our personal stories. We end up having a "history" with other posters (even if that history is brief) - threads that we have posted on together, conversations we have had, etc. ...and you end up reading other people's posts with the added knowledge of their personal situations and how they have responded in other threads.

This doesn't mean that someone has to be here for a long time to "join" the community - one intense thread with lots of conversation back-and-forth is enough for me to feel that I "know" someone to some small degree. Even a lurker can feel that they are part of the community - say someone sees I have posted and says to themselves "Oh-Ho! - here comes JaneQ - she is rabid about topic X - she'll tell poster Y the logical fallacy of their argument "

It is this shared history/shared culture/shared conversation that makes this forum feel like a community to me. And then you start to CARE about the the other posters...You WANT it to work out for them...etc.

Originally Posted by Skylines508 View Post
3. How do you value the people you talk to on here?
"Value" is a tricky word for me...I find it hard to apply.

I appreciate that the people here take the time to share their experiences with others. I respect that people are struggling and turning towards the forum as a source of support. I enjoy being able to talk to other people about my situation without having to wade through the whole "WHAT you have a husband AND a boyfriend?" conversation to get to the point that I wanted to make/ question that I wanted to ask.

...AND I find it gratifying when I can offer someone words of advise/experience/support that they find helpful.

Hope that helps.

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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