There is a lot to be said for understanding that being poly isn't the same as doing poly.
BEING poly is a natural part of some people.
I love more than one.
But I always have and I didn't always DO poly-because the person I was with at a given time wasn't able to handle multiple relationships.
In the reading I have done it seems that many details of needs were overlooked in your dynamic.
THAT is always going to result in a mess.
In order for DOING poly to work-everyone has to able to get their needs met AND be healthy in the dynamic. If that isn't happening-doing poly becomes a mess.
Hugs-sounds like you need them.
As I suggested before-place the kids well being at the center of questions that get confusing.
So for example the move not a NEED for either you or him. not moving is not a NEED for any of the three of you either. But-is it in the kids best interest to stay or to go?
Instead of just fighting over whose WANTS get addressed-you move the topic to a clearer ground.
That can be true for a LOT of things!
When neither option is a NEED but the personal preferences differ for the adults-look at which option is BEST for the kids.