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Old 03-28-2013, 06:07 PM
LateToTheParty LateToTheParty is offline
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 25
Default developments have occurred, but not with M.

This is backing up a bit, but needed...

The night I had gone out with M and ended up kissing her (a couple of months ago), she was running late, and I was already at the pub. I stood in the parking lot by my car because the weather was beautiful, and started messing around on my phone, looking at Facebook, etc. I happened to look at who was online, and noticed S...a girl that used to be a barista at a coffeehouse I frequented. I had quite a crush on her, too.

We've known each other for a few years, and I had chatted her up a couple of times in the past...but we've never really known each other that well, because all of our interactions were limited to about 30 seconds at a time. Still...I've always thought she's one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. I was feeling bold that night, and ended up chatting with her online for about 15 minutes. Not sure how I got there, but I ended up complimenting her and admitting the crush I had (have). She was quite flattered by it. After a bit, I had to go because M was nearly there, but we decided to talk again sometime.


So, about three weeks ago, I was sitting outside at a bar by myself, enjoying a couple of beers with some time to kill. Picked up my phone, got on FB, and she was online. We started chatting, and really hit it off. I must have talked to her for an hour. Over the following week, S and I sent brief messages back and forth. I told her I was playing a gig that coming Friday - which happened to be her birthday. She was going to be in the area and might stop by. Told her I'd buy her a beer and maybe give her a birthday kiss...she seemed pretty receptive to that.

Some things came up that night - insignificant to this story - so, she never made it out. However, I suggested that I follow up with that beer offer another night, and she accepted.

I was supposed to meet S this past Tuesday, but she had to cancel (dealing with some personal stuff that I won't mention here). She apologized and told me she'd like to try again this next Tuesday. I said, "It's what you need to do. I'm going out for a couple of drinks regardless, so if you wanna chat, call, whatever, I'll be available."

About a half hour later, just after I sat down with my beer, she sent me a message on FB. So, while I was disappointed that I didn't get to see her, we ended up chatting online for 3 1/2 hours that night. Pretty sure that if she wouldn't have been so tired, we could have easily gone another hour. We got on really well, and it kind of felt like a date, regardless of logistics. It felt very nice.

We texted a little bit throughout the next day (yesterday), and then ended up texting for a couple of hours last night. Great, fun conversation. At one point, I went upstairs to check on one of my kids...came back and made mention of it to her. She said something like "Ohhh yeah, you have kids!"

So, let's stop here for a minute.

Like I said, I've known her for a while, albeit not very well. Despite that, we've been MySpace (which I no longer have...good riddance) and Facebook friends for a few years. And I have no idea if she's ever actually looked at those pages, but there are/were all kinds of pictures of my wife and kids on those sites. And throughout all of our recent talking, nothing had ever come up about it. I was thinking, "Wow...she knows I'm married. I guess she's just cool with this. Great!"

Back to the story...

Since it hadn't come up, I said, "Speaking of kids and all that...just so you understand and aren't left wondering, I'm in an open marriage."

This kind of caught her off guard. She seemed curious - not offended - claiming that she'd never known anyone in such a position. She asked several questions about it. I explained that we're not swingers...this is relationship-based, and sex is not the focus. I told her that my wife has had a steady guy for about half a year, and that she knew we were meeting up, etc. I then asked her, "So, after giving you this you still want to hang out next week?"

"Um, I need time to digest all of that (she was a little buzzed, admittedly). You're great, but I just have more to consider now." I told her I understood, and that I'm more than willing to talk more about it when everyone is sober , and she thanked me for my honesty. Curious, I then asked, "So, you were aware this entire time that I'm married...right?"

Apparently, no.

I don't understand how that's possible, honestly...maybe she thought I was divorced with kids?? I have no idea. I told her that I was sorry...I wasn't meaning to hide anything...I simply thought she knew that. She said it was okay...she should have asked about it.

We ended the conversation by me telling her that I really liked her...felt we connected really well...but I would understand if she decided it was simply not comfortable for her. She replied, "I like you, too. Just gotta process "


I'm trying to keep with the positive, thinking that while she could come back and say 'no thanks'...there's an equal chance that she'll be up for it. And without seeming to push - because I want her to remain as comfortable about everything as possible - I'd love to let her know that I'm happy to get together next week just as friends instead of a 'date', to talk about it - and whatever else - in person.

Is that a bad move? Should I just shut up about it and let her decide with the info she has?

Ugh. This is frustrating. We really hit it off so well. Seems so unfair to make a beautiful connection like that, and have circumstance looming around the corner, waiting to possibly destroy it. Any thoughts are much appreciated.
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