He keeps saying he wants to have/make more friends to socialize with. But he's opposed to the idea of going to the poly gatherings for some reason.
Why would he go to poly gatherings to learn how to have relationships
with multiple players when what he wants is "no strings sex" with multiple people?
He sounds like he wants to swing, and play in threesomes and moresomes. And that's fine if that's what he wants for himself and gets consent from all players. But it doesn't sound like he does get full consent for participation -- so even in a swing context he's out of line then.
That he PUSHES you like this against your will, against your limits, does not respect or even hear your limits...hon, that is super creepy.
I hope you don't get yourself into a situation where you give an inch and he takes a mile.
This part really creeps me out:
I have told him to slow down and that I cannot move that fast but he seems to have this idea in his head that once things get going everything will work out and that it's nothing more than 'first time jitters'.
He's not going to plan something and just spring it on you and not listen to your "NO" right? Carry on with it because "it is just first time jitters" and once things get going it will work out?
Sounds rape creepy. Ew.
I had to give him the ultimatum of exclusive or break up. I do not like having to do that but the pain/stress was just too much for me.
Again, you gave your limit and a consequence.
When you choose NOT to enforce the consequences, what do you teach him? That your "No's" mean jack because he can keep on pushing and eventually you fold from exhaustion.
Tread VERY carefully with this dude. I am concerned for your well being.
in case you need it. I am hoping you don't but this is just too weird and creepy for me. So I offer it in the spirit of you taking a checklist assessment of his behaviors in case anything else is "off" there. You live there -- you know your own reality best. Just check it with a marker. Then add it up. One behavior alone is nothing -- people can have a bad day and apologize later for that.
But if you have a whole collection...beware!
You are NOT crazy to find the pushypushy not acceptable. This whole thing sounds yucky.
Love is not enough in a relationship. There must also be respect and consideration.